my angel :-)

Haha. this year, my family is blessed with lots of rezeki. Mom got a promotion and has been transferred to Jabatan Pelajaran and dad got a few bonuses. My eldest sister finally has done her practical in the hospital. I, on the other hand, managed to get an offer from St Andrews without interview (which is something rare for medics..hehehe) This year, I supposed to have lots of vacations with my family because after this, things won’t be the same for us. Here is the list of my initial plans for this holiday:

1) Trying to get my homework and studying settled in 2 weeks (in progress)

2) Going for a family vacation to Philippines (failed because Lily is in ICU)

3) Going for a cruise with my sister and our cousin because my cousin has got 3 free tickets (failed because Lily is in ICU)

4) Spending time with Lily (in progress)

5) Trying to know and understand my list of medical issues (in progress)

6) Trying to be my sister’s wedding planner (not in the mood because Lily is in ICU. The whole family puts this aside first)

7) Helping my sister with her hantaran for the engagement (done)

8) Planning to go to Langkawi or Karambunai with my friends (failed)

9) Trying to bring Lily to the cinema at least 5 times (failed because Lily is in ICU)

10) Spending lots of time with my eldest sister (in progress)

11) Planning to go to Penang and Batu Feringhi with my eldest sister for the Sg Nibong Pesta: only two of us :-) (failed because Lily is in ICU)

12) Helping my mom to be the interior designer for my sister’s new bedroom (not in the mood because Lily is in ICU. My mom will ask her niece to do this for her because my mom is definitely not going to do anything for now)

13) Trying to save up my money for my ‘plan’ with my grandma (in progress)

14) Watching horror movies with Lily (done and finally ended up screaming with her even though she did not understand any single thing :-) )

But the best part of all, I managed to bring her for a shopping *wink* *wink*. And we also managed to do hantaran for our eldest sister

** Ya Allah, I really miss Lily right now. Because before this, if she’s in ICU, I will have the chance to visit her. But, she’s in pediatrics intensive care unit (P ICU) which means, only parents are allowed to visit her. The feeling I’m having right now cannot be expressed in words. It has been a week she’s there, fighting for her life. I miss her smiles, laughs (we have 3 categories of laughing: gelak kaya, gelak miskin, gelak kedekut) and I miss her playing with my nose and ears while I’m sleeping. I miss all her ‘sexy’ dresses and skirts. I miss eating Gani Char koey teow with her. I miss going out at night with her just to buy burgers. I miss bringing her around just to have fresh air. I miss to have a meaningful life back with her and finally i miss seeing her beside me every time after I pray. Whenever she sees someone praying, she will be there just to ask that person praying for her so that she can have a normal life for the first time in her life. Only with Lily, I can be myself, having a meaningful conversation (she’s a good listener even though she cannot talk or walk until now), and only with her, I can have very sincere and honest laughs and smiles (because Lily never have any revenge or dissatisfaction) and only with her beside us, my family will be happy. I never look ‘fake’ in front of her and i feel very empty everytime she’s beside me because all of my problems have gone away. Lily will always smile whenever i speak to her (because that is the only thing she knows how to do) and she will keep on smiling and laughing even when she’s in pain. Every night, I cannot sleep because I will always wake up as I keep on hearing her voice. She is the reason why I always go back to my house every time I have the chance because when the time comes, i do not want to regret not spending ample time with her. Please hold on Lily :-)

Lily and her collection of teddy bears - she has nearly 50 teddy bears. haha. and all of them are still in good conditions

the hantaran that we made together for my sister's engagement - this is what we managed to do before she was admitted to PICU. i think she just holds on for this moment but during the engagement, she didnt look as excited as usual

enjoying the first pancake i made on my own *wink* *wink*

during her 10th birthday at my grandma's house

during the family vacation

Lily just loves pink stuff

doing some weird stuff

this was taken somewhere in Indonesia

this was taken last year (I was wearing the same shirt like the above picture :-p)

Lily just loves posing in front of camera.

on the way to ______ (just forgot..haha... but this was like 2 years ago)

hahaha... some weird pose

this is our 'whateva pose'

with my angel teaching me to do the 'mulut itik'

the 4 stooges :-p (Look at lily. this is her 'Oh My God! It's camera again' pose)

during raya (Lily with her 'do i care about you?' pose)

my first photo using my camera and she's my first model (with her uncut hair that she wanted to keep as she didn't want my grandma to cut it)

hahaha.. my top model posing with my phone :-)

her 12th birthday with my brother...

this is why I cannot see her suffering - she has been fighting for 14 years and this is something easy for her (i hope so) :-) - this photo was taken by my dad even though it was illegal. this is also the reason why you always look me happy because i have to hide my sadness or otherwise, I cannot do anything thinking of her.

this is 'gelak kaya' (opening your mouth very wide and just laugh while showing your sandals to everyone.. hahaha)

look.. she never stop smiling (this is her 'come on. just take my picture' pose)

her smile is my medicine - a very sincere one :-)

this is the reason why we really miss her (she just loves playing around :-) )

lily and her smile :-) posing for my camera (this is her' i know i'm cute. you dont have to say it' pose)

one, two, click!...my sisters posing for my camera

lily, can we take more photos??? Abang will always be here whenever you are ready