this post was meant to be 2 weeks ago.. sorry

It has been a while since the last time I updated this blog. I will continue writing, it is just that Im currently busy with my university applications. I got rejected by Newcasle and Edinburgh :-( without interview, got an offer from St. Andrews without interview, interviews from Aberdeen and Queen Mary and will be going for interviews for National University of Ireland and RCSI. Will be applying to New South Wales Australia and James Cook.

I just dont know, the path that I plan is not clear anymore. With the fear of not being able to go overseas this year, i began to be conquered by it. Done with IELTS and I got Band 8. But, what keeps me pushing myself is the amanah from Lily. I want to be a doctor for a clear reason, it is just that the path seems to be unclear now. I plan so many things, but they dont turn out the way they should be. My closest friend in KYUEM told me that Im not the old Zulikhwan that he knows, the successful, happy go lucky, brilliant and confident bitch. I told him that I dont know what to say. I just go with the flow. What i know is that I really need this, the opportunity to go abroad so that I can start all over again.

This is not just about the death of my sister, nor my parents who keep blaming me for the loss of Lily (which I dont want to get into that), but this is also about being myself back, and the only way is to start everything all over again....

Shikin: moving on and let someone go are two different things. You may have moved on, but you just cannot let her go.

I know that Shikin. Sometimes, i just admire your courage, determination and strength to continue this even though you have lost 2 most important people in your life :-)

*** A-Level is killing me slowly. It is not that hard, it is just that I dont have the focus and determination like I have for SPM :-). Hope everything will be fine. Insya allah