For One More Year

Sorry for taking a short break from writing because of the bundle of academic works that I have to bear - perhaps it is just another excuse I made to myself

I hope it is not awfully late to wish a Happy New Year to everyone. 2013 is just another year for everyone, with a list of resolutions and promises we make to ourselves

2012 passed by quickly. With many downs that ups, we can only pray to God to make us stronger, that making life easier. Life will always push us to the limits, but only in it we can see the broad horizon ahead of us. Day by day, I learnt that it is essential to create and enjoy the moments you have because you cannot be sure of what lies ahead of us later on

It is the rule of nature, with death comes life, and with life, death will follow closely. Thus, make sure you embrace what you have, create the Wonderland that you wish for

Till we meet again, take care everyone

#I miss Lily so much that every day I wish I can see her now and then. God has promised that later on we shall see.

#Thought of the Day

Today, a Malaysian’s son, Auntie K passed away early of this morning due to the last stage of thyroid cancer in Aberdeen. I have never met him, but knowing Auntie K personally, I believed he has got the same character as his mother, loving, helpful and caring.

Sometimes I wonder, are we ready for death? As muslims, we believe there is a life after this, which everyone is dreaming of. We all try our best to make all the good deeds, because everything will be paid back after this

Yes, we try to be the best. We try to protect our relationship with Quran. Have we ever looked at all the little things we do in life?

For instance, people say that smoking is bad. Some people don’t like smokers, as for them this is about integrity –if we can do something bad i.e. smoking or clubbing, how is it possible we wont something else in the future?

Another example, if a kid starts learning to steal just 1 pound, there will always be tendency he will grow up as a thief if we wont do something.

Same as our life as a Muslim. If we don’t protect all those little things, our aurat, prayer, what is the guarantee we would be a good Muslim?

I once heard a talk by a Muslim brother, sincerity is when you don’t realise that you do it. But right now, I just feel its hard to know whether you do something out of sincerity or not

Making a difference: My first experience in Kalsom

I have always wanted to change the landscape of how things work in our society, from the way we interact with each other; to the way we contribute back to people.  Growing up in an environment that stresses on the importance of being responsible for my own life and the environment I live in, I become more aware of why is it important to make a difference and fight for a cause, in any way we can do. I am a strong believer in the gift of life; hence helping others to experience theirs is a gift to myself. The world we live in is not entirely about us, but also how we provide the path for others to achieve better than us, letting them to experience it the way we do.

My experience as a facilitator in Kalsom was beyond my expectations. I was surprised by how passionate the participants were, not just to change their lives, but also to achieve better. I became more aware that not all of the kids were born with silver spoons, some of them really had to work hard, much harder than their friends of the same age, to achieve the same goals in life. It was the power of will that has driven them to see the value of success from a different angle. Determination has become the new ‘obsession’, pushing them to see beyond the confines of their norms.

Joining Kalsom was not about the children only. For me, Kalsom has brought a mutual benefit to the facilitators. We became more inspired and touched by their hard work, how they have been working hard overcoming all the struggles in life. Each of them had a very unique story to share with us and helping them to create their own dreams was the most satisfying feeling to us. All of us felt blessed to have been given this opportunity, and being beside them through this exciting journey was a gift to us.

I still remember vividly a girl in my group who started as someone who could not even talk a single word in English. On the last day of the programmme, she asked for the microphone from me. Standing there, watching her singing an English song for us, was the most amazing moment in my life. I was not only touched by the courage she has shown to me, but also the difference Kalsom has made in her, in such a short period of time. It was all of these little things that have made Kalsom different, especially when we did all these things from the heart, hopefully it would touch the heart back.

I am proud to say how successful Kalsom has become. It is not just about inspiring the kids, but also a catalyst for everyone who has truly involved in Kalsom, to understand our society better.

We can simply blame them for not having the motivation to work harder, but sometimes we tend to forget to be in their shoes. We blame them for not going to school, but we don’t know the struggle they have to go through to just be there, without worrying what to eat later on.

We blame them for not having a dream going abroad, while for them being a mechanic is even beyond their reach. We blame them for being in poverty and having no inspiration to change their lives, without knowing that they also don’t wish to live like that. Sometimes we think too much of all the big dreams that we can do, putting all the little things aside. That is how Kalsom has touched us, making us more realise on the reality of our society.

Kalsom is not just about the children to be better. It is also about creating a chain effect, so that everyone involved will not only have the responsibility to contribute in their own ways, but also to create a better ‘Malaysia’ 20 years down the line. We all can make a difference in society

Life Under Construction

There is so much to do, and so little time for everything, but yet we make time for everyone and everything. That is the fundamental rule I believe we should be holding on, even sometimes it is so hard to make people understand that.

We tend to forget, that we wish people will make time for us but we never make time for others, which is why we should walk our talk. We dont run around, chasing after people, but we keep those close to us, closer

I am currently busy with many things at the moment. The workloads as a medical student, and added to that, I am currently joining UKEC and Kalsom as a part of it. I am also working and helping those homeless people in Aberdeen through our charity club, HoMed.

I purposely make my life busy this year, rather than reminiscing the old stories and live in the past./ So bear with me while my life is under construction

Thought of the Day

Sometimes, things have never been the way they should be. But, that is the rule of life. We can always plan, but everything lies in God's hand. Life can sometimes put us in misery, we are being left wondering what is the reason for everything to happen, even though sometimes we force ourselves to believe that there will always be a rainbow during the rainy day. 

I am a strong believer in the gift of life itself, hence I always view it as something mysterious for every human being to question. It works in unthinkable ways, and when things do not go as planned, the only way if to find alternatives and start drawing back the picture again. There is always be a need to move on and for that reason, I believe this blog requires so much needed 'uplifting' in a sense to make it more valuable and meaningful.

We all have the past that we have gone through, and it is in the best interest of all to keep moving on, let the past stay behind, treasure the memories and write a new chapter. As for what we believe we should be fighting, we have to continue fighting for it, until one day God shows what is the best for us. Giving up is never an option. Determination and hard work always stay right in the middle of the heart

Sometimes, logical thinking cannot explain everything. Everything is not based on facts. That is why God gives us heart and soul.

I'm Sorry

I did not mean to hurt you. I am so sorry. You mean the world to me, and I want to have a brighter future with you

Sometimes it is always hard to make people understand, especially when they are not in our shoes. But yet we will try our best to be the best in everything. The past shall remain as our history, and now the priority has changed. We cant continue living in the past, otherwise we will only lose our focus and the worst thing, we might lose ourselves. For now, let us enjoy what we have, not thinking too much about anything else

The history shall remain as a part of my life. Whether we like it or not, it is hard to forget people in our life, yet we know moving on is necessary especially when the door of the heart is opened for others. Allow others to touch your hearts and Insya allah everything shall be fine

Time

All of us have given 24 hours per day to start think and reflect things. But certain things deserve more than we think

Im giving you time to reflect everything I say. After knowing me for too long, you should know that I speak for a reason. I believe you will make the right choice, and thus let me know

Im running slowly. Sometimes, I do wish for you to stop me, but I know you know exactly what to do ;-)

I dedicate these few pictures for you, if you happen to read my blog ;-)

Words

All of us have something that we are afraid of telling. Some secrets are meant to be left untold, but most were revealed unintentionally. We all make promises whether to keep that decrets to ourselves or not, but the closer we get to know each other, the greater our desire to know more. Sometimes, we feel that if we would be able to turn the clock even once, we hope that we know nothing about that person because holding to the promise is always the hardest thing

Nothing will ever happen between us and I promise. Im so sorry but I really need your trust ;-). We have learnt from the past, but do not let it ruin everything that we have now.

Nota kaki: Kalsom was awesome. After several attempts of going there, i managed to join it. It is the feeling that we know we have contributed something that matters, the sense of fulfillment that we wish everyone to feel. If it comes from the heart, it will surely touch the heart too ;-)

Reminder to Myself ;-)

Something To Ponder

;-)

Whenever we make any decision in our life, there will always be the pros and cons of it. And whether we like it or not, we have to deal with it. It is our nature to always find what is the best for us. We can keep on asking for more, but certain things are not meant to be for us. We might despise ourselves for spending too much time, wasting too many opportunities hoping that things would exactly turn out the way we want it to be. Again, dealing with emotions and feelings is always the hardest thing. Saying good bye may not be the best answer, but rather than being hurt badly, definitely it is a good way. It doesnt mean you give up, nor try to forget it, but it always means you hope that you can treasure the memory better, hoping that one day, your special one will realise about it

So, this is how it feels to be back!

After 2 weeks in Malaysia, I finally had the chance to write this post. The first week was busy with my auntie's wedding and my sister asked me to be in Penang for a while since I have never been to her new house

It is good to be back. Things have changed so much, so do the responsibilities that come along with them. It is true that anywhere we go, home is always where the heart is.

So, how does my family do? Im not so sure how to put it in words. Of course the cliche answer from me, since Lily passed away, the joy has lost. My parents are getting older and so does my grandmother. With only my 12 year old brother at  home, I find that I have to take care of many things since I arrived here. It is not that I dont want to spend any minute with my fellow friends, especially Fendy who keeps on asking me to meet him, but I do have many things to do at home, from teaching Amin for UPSR, to doing lots of house works. My parents are getting older, that they tend to forget many things and they tend to wait for people to do for them. So, I have to prioritize them first, before trying to squeeze in between meeting my dear friends.

At the moment, I am writing on one article asked by my dear batchmate, David from Aberdeen. I shall be posting the article here soon.

Closure of My Awesome First Year in Aberdeen-licious

Finally, I finished my first year of medical school. It was hard, I must say. So, what makes medical school very hard? For an obvious reason, I must say that medical school is very competitive. Getting into a medical school is already competitive, especially medical schools with good reputations. I guess what makes it hard is the fact that medical school is a centre of competitions, with those studying medicine are mostly top scorers, and those who are full of confidence. In my batch only, half of us are graduate/mature students with most of them already have a degree/master, whereas the other half is those who come fresh from high schools, but have a dozen of As under their belts.

Studying for the first year is tough I must say, the fact that it is a transition period of you from the so called memorizing technique of high schools. What makes medicine hard is also the fact that you have to know exactly so many things, not just memorizing them, more importantly to be able to understand the gist of the topic very well. We are not scientists, who want to know every single reaction in the body, nor the famous philosophers, who deal with creative thinking and ideas. We are healers, in which we deal with scientific and correct facts. Added to that, we need to be able to have great people’s skills, so that we can provide comfort to the patients.

In my university, they will teach you everything including how to greet the patients. So what makes it hard for me? I guess it is a simple reason of having an initial thought about changing my career – after losing my confidence in becoming a doctor plus seeing my potentials in other professions (as suggested by Zamri).

But after the hard first year, I finally realize that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I’m totally geared up for the second year, Insya allah I want to be the changing agent to the world in medicine. It is still a long way to go for me, and hopefully my passion will continue to glow and blossom day by day

As I told Norain Ishak before this, studying medicine is like being in a relationship with your loved one. You cannot take it easy, otherwise your love will run away from you, nor being too hard on yourself or on the partner, because that will create a massive tension in both of you. Treat it like you know it will always be there for you, it is just a matter you making it more interesting or not.

To tell you the truth, for the first semester, I always study like I don’t want to fail and I always have in my mind that studying for medicine is the hardest thing. It never works that way. Yes, we have to be realistic and we need to know medicine is hard, but don’t always remind yourself it is hard. After all, this is what we want to do for the rest of our lives, and we don’t want to always be in misery

Getting a decent degree is our priority, making our own circle of friends from the same course is another thing. You dont want to end up studying and not understanding things alone.

Have trust in what you do, God will always help you.

Yes This Is for You

I still cannot get rid of you. i really like and love you, but I am not so sure whether I should tell you or not because it is wrong. I told you once, and it was a disaster

A simple text from you really made my day. Even hearing to your voice for one second gave me the extra strength I need

Oh Lord, please tell me what to do. If the person is my crush, that the thought should dissapear in 3 months. But if it is love, only death does us apart

A Much Clearer Vision

I have now decided what to do. In the next 5 years, I really hope I can finish my medical degree, as well as planning to do my intercalated and I am looking to do medical sciences + management in Imperial. Hopefully in 5 years, I will graduate with a medical and surgical degree, together with BSc in medical sciences. I later plan to stay in Aberdeen finishing my housemanship training, and later on continue doing PhD in healthcare. I want to come back to Malaysia not just as a top surgeon but also as a part time educator, teaching younger generation achieving their dreams

It takes sometimes before you can realise what you want to achieve in life. Exam is coming up and I need to focus to getting it done. I have got a great plan for Summer and I dont want to screw it up

Perhaps some think this seems a but too much or bragging, but I just need the determination to develop myself and come back ready to contribute to society. After all, you cannot give back if you arent ready

Sorry for all the nasty pictures in facebook. Sometimes the childish side of myself glows. But it is just an expression of how I am actually a bit dissapointed with some of my coursemates who are being racists and mark me down for the group works. Especially when you are alone, with no one to talk about and your friends seem to be busy with exams and you dont want to disturb them.

It is hard to deal with something like this but I am working my butt off to find a solution. And I have requested to change my group next semester.

We Are Not Being Ignorant

I hate it when people directly said those who are not joining the BERSIH Demonstration were being ignorant. Some would also say that we should be there because in the next 5 years, we will be leading the country.

It is not that some students are being ignorant. I also did not join the demonstration simply because I am currently being sponsored by a government agency. Because I signed the contract, it is clearly stated there that we arent allowed to participate in any political movement and that includes Barisan or Pemuda UMNO. If you really want to join such like that movement, then do not sign the contract. I have given my commitment to my sponsor, and thus I should follow it. This is my duty for now. Yes I want to do something to my country, but as for now it is better focussing on developing myself. This is the amanah given to us, dont screw it up.

It is just like working in a company. If you think the company is not efficient, do something. If it doesnt work, leave it. Theres no reason why you should still be working there just for the sake of money, putting what you believe aside.

Secondly, about PTPTN. I dont really support in free education, nor leaving it the way it is. What should be done is to do it like the sponsored students are having right now. We get monthly allowance, but if we fail to achieve certain grades, we have to pay it back. Living in Scotland in which the education is free, I can see many problems. Maybe the email sent by my professor below (every month we will get the same email) is one of the problems faced here:

Lectures: Those of you who attended this morning’s 9 o’clock lecture will have heard Dr Davies’s comments about the complaints we have received about the disruptive behaviour of some Year 1 students during lectures. It is a pity that some of you have to be reminded of what is reasonable conduct and I would be grateful if you could please respect the fact that the majority of students attend lectures to LEARN rather than to chat/use mobile phones/eat/interfere with the learning of others. Please also bear in mind that even though YOU may not be paying tuition fees, a significant number of those attending your lectures ARE paying thousands of pounds for this learning experience! Now you are no longer at school, we do expect all our students to behave in an adult manner during lectures and to show courtesy to their fellow students and lecturers.

Think about it.

Note to myself

I was googling and reading previous posts by my friends and coaches back then in MCKK. And I started to realise the sparks that I have lost after MCKK. Should not blame anyone nor KYUEM, but the blame shall lie on myself

Sometimes, reading all these made you realise how much you miss the old version of yourself. And how much you miss some people, but nothing you could do at the moment because things started to become so awkward.

And I started to realise the focus + determination that I have lost along the way. If I could turn the clock back, I will

Hating It

Humans have never been satisfied with what they have. Please think about others too. The world is not just about us. It is about other people. Dont ask everything to be your way only

Till We Meet Again

It is your birthday and I dont know what else to say to you. I have said every single thing about you to the point that I have lost myself. Just one thing I hope from you, may you find happiness there. And i hope you can let me move on. Just leave me alone for now, so I dont have to think about you again

Insyallah, God has promised that one day we shall see each other again. Till then, lots of love from me. I miss you, totally miss you but I will not cry like I used to. You will always be my love and sweet heart, will always be because you are the only one who totally understands me

Random Thought

She has lost both of her parents. But yet, she looks so strong. She was in the same A-levels college. Even when the day was raining for me, I still could remember she was the one providing the umbrella to me, and I also remembered your advice to me when we were talking at MPH in KYUEM

When you met her, you wouldnt know what she has gone through in life. The first moment I met her, we were laughing, and we used to talk in the cafe. She would hide every single tear and joy. And yet, her heart is sreaming

i was stalking her blog just now. Read a poem she wrote to both of her parents. And I could see that she really missed them.

When the world gets tougher for her, she only gets stronger day by day. She didnt make it to the UK together with her closest friends. But, that did not stop her to work harder. When I gave up in faith after the A-levels result, she could still give comfort words through sms. And she's now working hard to get a second chance to get abroad - maybe Canada

Im not good at giving compliments, nor telling people that I relly admire them. This is just another way of telling you how much I admired you

You know who you are. I dont have to tell you. This is a random thought. Sometimes, it is very hard to tell you how much I admire you. Because we have never been serious to each other. And everytime I wanted to be serious to you, I couldnt because the way I know you is different, you are such an easy going girl

This is not a post to say I love you. This is just a post of how thankful I am to know you as my friend. Good luck in whatever you do Shikin. (look again, we cannot talk about serious issues)