Time

All of us have given 24 hours per day to start think and reflect things. But certain things deserve more than we think

Im giving you time to reflect everything I say. After knowing me for too long, you should know that I speak for a reason. I believe you will make the right choice, and thus let me know

Im running slowly. Sometimes, I do wish for you to stop me, but I know you know exactly what to do ;-)

I dedicate these few pictures for you, if you happen to read my blog ;-)

Words

All of us have something that we are afraid of telling. Some secrets are meant to be left untold, but most were revealed unintentionally. We all make promises whether to keep that decrets to ourselves or not, but the closer we get to know each other, the greater our desire to know more. Sometimes, we feel that if we would be able to turn the clock even once, we hope that we know nothing about that person because holding to the promise is always the hardest thing

Nothing will ever happen between us and I promise. Im so sorry but I really need your trust ;-). We have learnt from the past, but do not let it ruin everything that we have now.

Nota kaki: Kalsom was awesome. After several attempts of going there, i managed to join it. It is the feeling that we know we have contributed something that matters, the sense of fulfillment that we wish everyone to feel. If it comes from the heart, it will surely touch the heart too ;-)

Reminder to Myself ;-)

Something To Ponder

;-)

Whenever we make any decision in our life, there will always be the pros and cons of it. And whether we like it or not, we have to deal with it. It is our nature to always find what is the best for us. We can keep on asking for more, but certain things are not meant to be for us. We might despise ourselves for spending too much time, wasting too many opportunities hoping that things would exactly turn out the way we want it to be. Again, dealing with emotions and feelings is always the hardest thing. Saying good bye may not be the best answer, but rather than being hurt badly, definitely it is a good way. It doesnt mean you give up, nor try to forget it, but it always means you hope that you can treasure the memory better, hoping that one day, your special one will realise about it

So, this is how it feels to be back!

After 2 weeks in Malaysia, I finally had the chance to write this post. The first week was busy with my auntie's wedding and my sister asked me to be in Penang for a while since I have never been to her new house

It is good to be back. Things have changed so much, so do the responsibilities that come along with them. It is true that anywhere we go, home is always where the heart is.

So, how does my family do? Im not so sure how to put it in words. Of course the cliche answer from me, since Lily passed away, the joy has lost. My parents are getting older and so does my grandmother. With only my 12 year old brother at  home, I find that I have to take care of many things since I arrived here. It is not that I dont want to spend any minute with my fellow friends, especially Fendy who keeps on asking me to meet him, but I do have many things to do at home, from teaching Amin for UPSR, to doing lots of house works. My parents are getting older, that they tend to forget many things and they tend to wait for people to do for them. So, I have to prioritize them first, before trying to squeeze in between meeting my dear friends.

At the moment, I am writing on one article asked by my dear batchmate, David from Aberdeen. I shall be posting the article here soon.

Closure of My Awesome First Year in Aberdeen-licious

Finally, I finished my first year of medical school. It was hard, I must say. So, what makes medical school very hard? For an obvious reason, I must say that medical school is very competitive. Getting into a medical school is already competitive, especially medical schools with good reputations. I guess what makes it hard is the fact that medical school is a centre of competitions, with those studying medicine are mostly top scorers, and those who are full of confidence. In my batch only, half of us are graduate/mature students with most of them already have a degree/master, whereas the other half is those who come fresh from high schools, but have a dozen of As under their belts.

Studying for the first year is tough I must say, the fact that it is a transition period of you from the so called memorizing technique of high schools. What makes medicine hard is also the fact that you have to know exactly so many things, not just memorizing them, more importantly to be able to understand the gist of the topic very well. We are not scientists, who want to know every single reaction in the body, nor the famous philosophers, who deal with creative thinking and ideas. We are healers, in which we deal with scientific and correct facts. Added to that, we need to be able to have great people’s skills, so that we can provide comfort to the patients.

In my university, they will teach you everything including how to greet the patients. So what makes it hard for me? I guess it is a simple reason of having an initial thought about changing my career – after losing my confidence in becoming a doctor plus seeing my potentials in other professions (as suggested by Zamri).

But after the hard first year, I finally realize that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I’m totally geared up for the second year, Insya allah I want to be the changing agent to the world in medicine. It is still a long way to go for me, and hopefully my passion will continue to glow and blossom day by day

As I told Norain Ishak before this, studying medicine is like being in a relationship with your loved one. You cannot take it easy, otherwise your love will run away from you, nor being too hard on yourself or on the partner, because that will create a massive tension in both of you. Treat it like you know it will always be there for you, it is just a matter you making it more interesting or not.

To tell you the truth, for the first semester, I always study like I don’t want to fail and I always have in my mind that studying for medicine is the hardest thing. It never works that way. Yes, we have to be realistic and we need to know medicine is hard, but don’t always remind yourself it is hard. After all, this is what we want to do for the rest of our lives, and we don’t want to always be in misery

Getting a decent degree is our priority, making our own circle of friends from the same course is another thing. You dont want to end up studying and not understanding things alone.

Have trust in what you do, God will always help you.

Yes This Is for You

I still cannot get rid of you. i really like and love you, but I am not so sure whether I should tell you or not because it is wrong. I told you once, and it was a disaster

A simple text from you really made my day. Even hearing to your voice for one second gave me the extra strength I need

Oh Lord, please tell me what to do. If the person is my crush, that the thought should dissapear in 3 months. But if it is love, only death does us apart

A Much Clearer Vision

I have now decided what to do. In the next 5 years, I really hope I can finish my medical degree, as well as planning to do my intercalated and I am looking to do medical sciences + management in Imperial. Hopefully in 5 years, I will graduate with a medical and surgical degree, together with BSc in medical sciences. I later plan to stay in Aberdeen finishing my housemanship training, and later on continue doing PhD in healthcare. I want to come back to Malaysia not just as a top surgeon but also as a part time educator, teaching younger generation achieving their dreams

It takes sometimes before you can realise what you want to achieve in life. Exam is coming up and I need to focus to getting it done. I have got a great plan for Summer and I dont want to screw it up

Perhaps some think this seems a but too much or bragging, but I just need the determination to develop myself and come back ready to contribute to society. After all, you cannot give back if you arent ready

Sorry for all the nasty pictures in facebook. Sometimes the childish side of myself glows. But it is just an expression of how I am actually a bit dissapointed with some of my coursemates who are being racists and mark me down for the group works. Especially when you are alone, with no one to talk about and your friends seem to be busy with exams and you dont want to disturb them.

It is hard to deal with something like this but I am working my butt off to find a solution. And I have requested to change my group next semester.

We Are Not Being Ignorant

I hate it when people directly said those who are not joining the BERSIH Demonstration were being ignorant. Some would also say that we should be there because in the next 5 years, we will be leading the country.

It is not that some students are being ignorant. I also did not join the demonstration simply because I am currently being sponsored by a government agency. Because I signed the contract, it is clearly stated there that we arent allowed to participate in any political movement and that includes Barisan or Pemuda UMNO. If you really want to join such like that movement, then do not sign the contract. I have given my commitment to my sponsor, and thus I should follow it. This is my duty for now. Yes I want to do something to my country, but as for now it is better focussing on developing myself. This is the amanah given to us, dont screw it up.

It is just like working in a company. If you think the company is not efficient, do something. If it doesnt work, leave it. Theres no reason why you should still be working there just for the sake of money, putting what you believe aside.

Secondly, about PTPTN. I dont really support in free education, nor leaving it the way it is. What should be done is to do it like the sponsored students are having right now. We get monthly allowance, but if we fail to achieve certain grades, we have to pay it back. Living in Scotland in which the education is free, I can see many problems. Maybe the email sent by my professor below (every month we will get the same email) is one of the problems faced here:

Lectures: Those of you who attended this morning’s 9 o’clock lecture will have heard Dr Davies’s comments about the complaints we have received about the disruptive behaviour of some Year 1 students during lectures. It is a pity that some of you have to be reminded of what is reasonable conduct and I would be grateful if you could please respect the fact that the majority of students attend lectures to LEARN rather than to chat/use mobile phones/eat/interfere with the learning of others. Please also bear in mind that even though YOU may not be paying tuition fees, a significant number of those attending your lectures ARE paying thousands of pounds for this learning experience! Now you are no longer at school, we do expect all our students to behave in an adult manner during lectures and to show courtesy to their fellow students and lecturers.

Think about it.

Note to myself

I was googling and reading previous posts by my friends and coaches back then in MCKK. And I started to realise the sparks that I have lost after MCKK. Should not blame anyone nor KYUEM, but the blame shall lie on myself

Sometimes, reading all these made you realise how much you miss the old version of yourself. And how much you miss some people, but nothing you could do at the moment because things started to become so awkward.

And I started to realise the focus + determination that I have lost along the way. If I could turn the clock back, I will

Hating It

Humans have never been satisfied with what they have. Please think about others too. The world is not just about us. It is about other people. Dont ask everything to be your way only

Till We Meet Again

It is your birthday and I dont know what else to say to you. I have said every single thing about you to the point that I have lost myself. Just one thing I hope from you, may you find happiness there. And i hope you can let me move on. Just leave me alone for now, so I dont have to think about you again

Insyallah, God has promised that one day we shall see each other again. Till then, lots of love from me. I miss you, totally miss you but I will not cry like I used to. You will always be my love and sweet heart, will always be because you are the only one who totally understands me

Random Thought

She has lost both of her parents. But yet, she looks so strong. She was in the same A-levels college. Even when the day was raining for me, I still could remember she was the one providing the umbrella to me, and I also remembered your advice to me when we were talking at MPH in KYUEM

When you met her, you wouldnt know what she has gone through in life. The first moment I met her, we were laughing, and we used to talk in the cafe. She would hide every single tear and joy. And yet, her heart is sreaming

i was stalking her blog just now. Read a poem she wrote to both of her parents. And I could see that she really missed them.

When the world gets tougher for her, she only gets stronger day by day. She didnt make it to the UK together with her closest friends. But, that did not stop her to work harder. When I gave up in faith after the A-levels result, she could still give comfort words through sms. And she's now working hard to get a second chance to get abroad - maybe Canada

Im not good at giving compliments, nor telling people that I relly admire them. This is just another way of telling you how much I admired you

You know who you are. I dont have to tell you. This is a random thought. Sometimes, it is very hard to tell you how much I admire you. Because we have never been serious to each other. And everytime I wanted to be serious to you, I couldnt because the way I know you is different, you are such an easy going girl

This is not a post to say I love you. This is just a post of how thankful I am to know you as my friend. Good luck in whatever you do Shikin. (look again, we cannot talk about serious issues)

F**K

I should never say the F word. But, the heart needs to be fed, and the brain too. Will be back after the exam. Oh gosh! I havent written about Amsterdam

Mediocrity

Enough being a mediocre for 3 years. I need to push myself more. Being a mediocre is not good. It only puts myself in misery

To Whom It May Concern

Dear My Person,
Last night we had the longest conversation ever. Almost 6 hours talking to you through phone felt almost nothing for me. I called you last night because I wanted to tell you that we had to put a distance between us. It is not that I dont like you, it is because I love you so much that I know when is the right time to say good bye. My feeling for you is overwhelming, too strong that I tend to lose myself in you. I will always remember you, will always do. But I need to think of myself. Naim told me to put myself first, even above you no matter how much I loved you.

But last night, I finally realised that you actually felt the same thing for me. You wanted us to be closer, and for that reason i think I could not get rid of you. But i shall wait for the perfect moment to let you go

What we have is never wrong. What you feel about me is also not wrong at all. It is just what I feel about you is a mistake. But I cannot afford to put our relationship in risk by telling you how much i feel and care about you at the moment. I shall keep the feeling to myself and let God help me to deal with it.

Like you say, things happen for a reason for yet we dont know why. You tell another person the same thing, but you yourself are still in love with that person because your love to that person is never wrong, but my love to you is wrong. I just wish I can be at that person's place whom you love the most so that I dont have to workd hard to get your attention

I hope you dont forget me as you promised. For now, I really need to focus on my studies. Otherwise, the same thing will happen again.

This is what I wanted to tell you when you wanted to try to get the person in our conversation. But I was afraid last night you might never like me anymore

All of us have learnt that things change, people change, and it does not mean you forget the past or try to cover it up. It simply means you move on and treasure the memories. Letting go does not mean giving up. It means accepting that certain things were not meant to be

Maybe I should say the same to me. I will and till then, let us leave it there

FOR NOW, LET US ENJOY THE MOMENT THAT WE HAVE TOGETHER. Otherwise, we will fight again, just like we always do

Warmest Love,
Zulikhwan.

You know who you are if you happen to read my blog

#TravelNote: Brussels and Bruges, Belgium (the country I will never visit again)

1) When I first arrived in Brussels, I can feel a very bad vibe there. But Im not so sure why

2) This is a country with 157 races and ethnics. A very cosmopolitan place, and I would say more cosmopolitan and diverse than London until I was not so sure whether I was in a European or Middle East country

3) I have to say that Brussels is ugly. It looks a bit like Pudu, but much dirtier than Pudu. Even the local people there also say that Brussels is ugly. This is quoted from a local guy there ' we know Brussels is ugly but we love it. Even if we dont like it, we just live with it'. Even though this is one of EU capitals, it is not well maintained

4) And because it was so ugly, we decided to go to Bruges on the next day to give a different impression of the place like In Bruges movie

5) Bruges is a lot nicer (maybe because it is located at the countryside). It looks a bit like St Andrews. It is worth visiting Bruges than Brussels. We were surprised because Bruges is a totally different entity. A spontanenous trip to Bruges should cost you around 27 euros. However, you can get a coupon of 10 rides for only 50 euros for students below 26. This coupon can be shared with many people. Since there were 3 of us, we only use 6 rides (to and fro). This method is way cheaper because it costed us around 17 euros

6) Bruges looks like a typical British village that you can find a lot in Scotland. If you have been to a Scottish village, Bruges is not worth a visit because Scottish villages are way better! The only thing I hate about Bruges is the smell! It is so smelly and sourvenirs are quite expensive

7) Bruges is a UNESCO site. A must visit place there is the Lace Factory. I bought a handmade handbag for mom for only 20 euros. Very cheap if you know how to bargain!

8) Speaking of Brussels, there is still a nice side of the town where you can get Chanel, Versace, Bally, Gucci and Jimmy Choo (I forgot the name of the road). You can also see the whole view of Brussels from that side - I think it is where the Palace of Justice is located

9) Sourvenirs there are a lot cheaper (again if you know how to bargain). I get a decent fridge magnet which should be 4 euros, for only 1.50 euros!

10) They speak many languages which sometimes you dont understand!

11) Food is extremely cheap. A decent lunch costs us 3 euros! There is a street near the city centre with full of decent restaurants that you might want to visit!

12) Beware of the people there! Most of them look like rapists and you really, really have to be aware of the people. A spanish guy was asking us the direction to the tram station. He then said thank you so he hugged Naim saying it was a Spanish style (by the way, i quite doubted he is a spanish judging from the accent). It turned out he tried to steal Naim's wallet! Thank God Naim realised and so Naim was pushing him away with his butts! Haha

13) When we were walking down the sreet, a stranger invited me to get into his car because he wanted to have sex with me!

14) Overall, it was not a pleasant experience for me in Belgium. but it is unfair since I am just talking based on what I saw and experienced. Somebody might experience it the other way. Nevertheless, you should visit this country so that you will be thankful with what we have in Malaysia. A 2 day trip is more than enough.

Last stop! Amsterdam

#TravelNote: Luxembourg (The tale of a landlock kingdom)

1) Have you ever been to a kingdom in a fairy tale, in which it has a massive defense wall, connected with a viaduct and full of secret roads? Well, if you do want to go to a country like that, Luxembourg should be your choice!

2) The whole country is a UNESCO site. So, you can really, really be sure that this country looks exactly like the kingdom in all the fairy tales! I really mean it. It is a truly European country, with most of them are whites and I havent seen any Pakistanis or Indians here. Most of the tourists are also whites! The temperature is quite low (you can expect it to be 0 degree even during Easter), with most of the places are like the castles in the fairy tales

3) Most of them speak French (which is a major influence here), Spanish and some speak English since English is also a compulsory subject in schools.

4) The map is quite hard to understand since the town is also divided into 2, the upper part which is located at the above ground (just like in the fairy tales where the castle will be on the top), the lower grounds for most of the houses. They have walking roads connecting both sides, a lift for disabled too. And be aware of many secret roads, including between the houses and also tunnels!

5) It is totally a unique experience because I have never been to a place like this. I have been to several places in the UK, Dublin and Paris, but nothing can beat the beauty and uniqueness of Luxembourg!

6) This is a place with most Michelin awarded restaurants. You might want to expect the food to be a bit expensive. However, if you know how to look for cheap food, you can just spend up to less than 10 euros for lunch and dinner - I did that! hehe

7) I recommend you to stay in the youths hostel located at the lower part of the country/city. It is easily accessible, very very nice and comfortable, cheap with breakfast included ( and free washing machines!)

8) I recommend you to have most of your meals from a restaurant called Quick Hamburger since it is very cheap. A set of 2 fish o fillet burgers will only cost you 7 euros - and bear in mind that McD, Subway and most restaurants also have students discount. Ask for it. Just bring your passport and show your visa!

9) The casemates bock is a must visit place since it is one of the most amazing defence walls I have ever visited. it is very long (ask for the students price for only 2.80 euros). You can expect the view to be like in the History Channel and it can surely beat Disneyland!

10) Most of the people here speak French. They understand English, but they cannot talk back to you.

11) Bargaining is not common here. We tried to bargain several times, but we couldnt, ended up the shop owner told here that it is not common here

12) Luxembourg has the highest GDP in the world (if Im not mistaken), and the only country which practises sovereign grand duchy. The grand duke of Luxembourg is also a handsome and smart man =)

13) I recommend readers to do a day trip here since you can easily get to everywhere in a day (it is a small country), especially when you visit France, just drop by at Luxembourg for a day. It is something that you wont regret coming here. I believe many people have never heard about Luxembourg since it is very expensive and small. But you wont regret it. the view is sooo stunning. you can move around by just walking! A must visit place for a truly European experience!

14) owh yeah. Souvenirs are also expensive here. You better buy them from the Saturday market they have in the Place'd Armes =)

15) Luxembourg is pronounced as Lu- Zhim - Burg, and not La- Zhem - Berg. A french woman corrected my pronunciation =)

16) Master several Lambourgish words wont cause any harm. For instance = Moien means hello, Swatrz Dir Englesih = can you speak English?

Next Stop: Brussels, Belgium (okay, I have uploaded several pictures here and for the post before this since my reader asked to do so. for more amazing pictures, please stalk my FB - after the exam in may! hehe =) ). First three is Paris and the next two is Luxembourg!

#TravelNote: Paris,France (the way I see Love from the top of Eiffel Tower)

1) The food here is very cheap if you know how to get it: we got 1 whole roasted chicken for only 5 euros. Everyday, we only spend 5 euros on lunch, breakfast and dinner.

2) You need to have a very strong bargaining skill. Key rings before bargain = 50 cents. After: 1 euro = 7 pieces. What Naim and I did was we challenged ourselves who could get the cheaper ones

3) Their English is very bad. We master several easy words like bonjour, merci, and can you speak English - just to get much cheaper sourvenirs for family and friends

4) Scamming is quite common in Paris. Dont get dragged into one of their scams

5) 2 visitors from China trusted us with 1400 euros to get 3 wallets from Louis Vuitton outlet since the outlet there only allows maximum of 1 piece per customer (somebody told me that it only applies to visitors from China). We went into the outlet, and had a thought it was a scam, then went out and told them the wallets ware out of stock (for the first time we went into LV outlet and in fact, were being nicely treated by the workers there)

6) Students studying in the UK (including international ones) should know that it is free to get into Louvre (and please ask the people near the ticket counter, not the security guards as they dont understand English so they tend to misunderstand what we say). Bring your passport too and there is also youths price for the Eiffel Tower (3.20 euros)

7) French men and women are very, very gorgeous,more gorgeous and nicer than those in London - Im talking about the physical beauty as well as the outfits. (if in London, a 60 year old man may look a bit messy, in France they look very smart and well-dressed).

8) Versailles is the most amazing garden I have ever seen while Lourve is the largest museum/palace I have ever visited too. Not to forget, it was also my first time climbing up Eiffel Tower. You might want to just walk in Paris rather than taking Metro because it is cheaper (well it is free actually) and you will never tired looking at the architectures (and places for photos too =P)

9) French people are extremely nice even though they cannot speak English very well. Reall like them. 5 stars for that. However, the road is quite dangerous, especially when you want to cross it, not like the UK. They will just ignore you even though it is the green light for you to cross it =)

10)the Abercrombrie and Fitch mansion in Champs Elysees is a must visit place. Hehe. You will be amazed because the mansion is full of hot and shirtless male models standing and dancing there to attract customers and for us to take photos - still could not believe I actually took a picture with a male model like those in TVs!!!!!

11) Notre Dame is the most magnificient church I have ever visited. It is so massive and the architecture is so detailed - taking hundred of years to be built

12)Overall, Paris is very,very,very cheap (if you know how to bargain and get the cheap food), a bit overrated (it is quite smelly and the metro stinks a lot), ancient/old (well some say it is ugly), divided into two: cheap and expensive areas (the cheap one is where you can get pretty nice and cheap stuff and the expensive one is where Arch de Triomphe, Abercrombie and Fitch mansion, Gucci, LV and other high class fashion outlets are located)

13)A bit dissapointed with Paris. Nevertheless, it is more exciting than London (especially the night life here) and there is always something to do and visit here (including stalking people =P)

14) Paris will be my annual visiting place! - for more exciting photos, please look at my FB after my exam =)

Next stop: Luxembourg