of being thankful and SPM :-)

Alhamdulillah. Thats the only word that can fully describe my life so far. Good things happened even when they took so long to take place. Currently receiving 3 offers from St. Andrews, Queen Mary and Aberdeen. Of course my dream place will be Queen Mary as I plan to be in London because of so many things (bear in mind that this is not just about the excitement of London only :-) ). But, at the end, my sponsor will make the decision for me and I have a very strong feeling that they want me to go to Aberdeen due to the great reputation of Aberdeen medical school (as it is ranked 3^rd behind Oxford and Cambridge). It doesnt matter when Im going to study, as long as Ill become a doctor, that is more than enough for me.

Life is pretty good for me. My sister got married and I guess that was the best wedding ever because I only have 1 sister after I have lost one. The good thing is that my sister finally met her perfect husband, as this person loved my sister since they were in school. For 6 years, he loved my sister from a distance and only 4 years ago he came and met my parents. Her husband is nice and i must admit it. He never touched my sister’s hand and there must always be a third person when they went out. And i still remembered the first gift that he gave to my sister was Al-Quran. Their relationship is based on Islam and I hope they will continue to be happy. My sister is currently waiting for her first posting and she is hoping to be in Alor Setar Hospital

Talking about myself, i guess Im fine right now. Im enjoying myself with people around me, friends and family. Things at home get better now and for the first time, my family is back to nearly normal (im just giving them more time). But, the only thing Im afraid right now is A-Levels. As I told in the previous post, I dont really have the determination and focus like I had for SPM but im trying my best. I just hope everything will be fine.

The SPM result was released and surprisingly, my school , MCKK improved drastically that they got 52 people getting straight As and they became the first in Perak. Kudos to Batch 0610 and of course Shahir, the closest friend I have from that batch. Im hoping that he will choose whatever is good for him as he plans to be an economist. You go Shahir :-)

I still remember at this time a few years back then when I received the SPM result. My parents were not that worried as I always showed consistency in my examinations (not like A-Levels :-( ). But of course, the fear was still there. When I received the result, i was very happy. Getting all A1s in all subjects including GCE0 1119 was something for me and my family. I received so many smses and from that moment i knew my dream to be a doctor will be a reality. And when I received the Bank Negara scholarship, i knew that Im just a step closer to my dream. Thats why I hope I wont blow my chance. I want to be a doctor and the dream is getting stronger. A-Level is not like SPM, not the hardness of the syllabus, but because I am not that prepared for it. So many things happened and I just hope I can go abroad and be a successful doctor which will reflect myself as a person.

Enough with writing and I hope you can pray for me. Pls... Thank you :-)

(i finally realise that this is my first post that I dont talk much about Lily. Im so proud of it that I finally move on)

this post was meant to be 2 weeks ago.. sorry

It has been a while since the last time I updated this blog. I will continue writing, it is just that Im currently busy with my university applications. I got rejected by Newcasle and Edinburgh :-( without interview, got an offer from St. Andrews without interview, interviews from Aberdeen and Queen Mary and will be going for interviews for National University of Ireland and RCSI. Will be applying to New South Wales Australia and James Cook.

I just dont know, the path that I plan is not clear anymore. With the fear of not being able to go overseas this year, i began to be conquered by it. Done with IELTS and I got Band 8. But, what keeps me pushing myself is the amanah from Lily. I want to be a doctor for a clear reason, it is just that the path seems to be unclear now. I plan so many things, but they dont turn out the way they should be. My closest friend in KYUEM told me that Im not the old Zulikhwan that he knows, the successful, happy go lucky, brilliant and confident bitch. I told him that I dont know what to say. I just go with the flow. What i know is that I really need this, the opportunity to go abroad so that I can start all over again.

This is not just about the death of my sister, nor my parents who keep blaming me for the loss of Lily (which I dont want to get into that), but this is also about being myself back, and the only way is to start everything all over again....

Shikin: moving on and let someone go are two different things. You may have moved on, but you just cannot let her go.

I know that Shikin. Sometimes, i just admire your courage, determination and strength to continue this even though you have lost 2 most important people in your life :-)

*** A-Level is killing me slowly. It is not that hard, it is just that I dont have the focus and determination like I have for SPM :-). Hope everything will be fine. Insya allah